Over the past decade or so, I've become known for colorful political metaphors, specifically  regarding my mayor, one Robert Bruce Ford.

Prior to 14 months ago, however, I never would have suggested that he might be smoking crack with Somali gunnrunners. That would have been too crazy, even for me. Yet the aforementioned Mr. Ford went on to prove that nothing regarding his life and tenure of office was too crazy, even fevered imaginations such as mine.

This has left the much ballyhooed "Ford Nation" a shadow of its former self. Crackhead Rob's former adherents aren't unlike Japanese soldiers, forgotten on some desolate Philippine island for some 30 years, waiting to defend against an American attack that never comes.

I don't expect many of readers outside of Toronto to know this, but Scarborough is pretty much the asshole of the world. Were it up to me, we'd be building a wall around it, not subways into it.

But Scarborough is also a target-rich environment for huckster politicians looking to buy their way into new mandates, so it appears that it is subways that they will get.

I've never met Ted Cruz, so I can't say as an absolute certainty that he's a psychopathic retard. But because he's a Republican and a Tea Partier, he can't honestly object to either characterization, since both are such a central part of his political base.

Republicans and Teapers get awfully pissy when I say things like that, but I'm hardly the one that's been in the trenches finding new and ever more self-defeating ways to turn superstition and stupidity into conservative virtues.

So Toronto's mayor, Rob Ford, is supposed to arm-wrestle Hulk Hogan tomorrow morning. In most big cities, this would be something of a spectacle. In Toronto, we just hope Etobicoke Slim is sober.

A lot of folks who are interested in such things are probably betting on The Artist Formerly Known as Terry Gene Bollea to win, but I'm not so sure.

First, the Hulkster is 115 years old and to the best of my knowledge hasn't ever done anything that wasn't scripted in advance by Vince McMahon.

You what a good sign that the Republican party has finally gotten it's shit together would be? When they stop running against the media.

Too many of my fellow conservatives embrace the conflicting positions that the mainstream media is dead and ignored by everybody, yet still powerful and nefarious enough to foil the GOP at every turn. You can believe one or the other, but not both.

Well, I guess that's not entirely true.

What better day than the Fourth of July to discuss yesterday's events in Cairo, which saw Egypt's first elected president deposed.

I carry no water for the Muslim Brotherhood, but there's no shortage of supposedly conservative nonsense out there that begs responding to. Fox News Republicans and their moronic fellow travelers in the idiot blogosphere have managed over the last year, and especially in the last 24 hours, to be both hypocritical and hysterical.

On the day that he announces his political retirement, I come not to bury Bob Rae, but to praise him.

Not only did I vote against Rae twice when he was leader of the Ontario NDP, I actually enjoyed doing it. But I don't vote for someone as much as I vote against everybody else. Indeed, the proudest ballot I ever cast was for a transvestite to be mayor or Toronto, so convinced was I that he/she would be less embarrassing than Mel Lastman.

Here I go again, saying something utterly uncontroversial to anyone that isn't three years old, a partisan fuck, or an abject idiot.

People in politics, as a general rule, don't enter the life to serve you. And they really haven't for about thirty years.

Politics has become a laboratory for mediocrities to see how rich they can make themselves off of the public teat.

There's no greater example of that than the revolving door between politics and lobbying.

At his last press conference, President Dwight David Eisenhower was asked if he felt that he was treated fairly by the press. Eisenhower responded by simply saying, "Well, when you come down to it, I don’t see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?"

That quote goes a long way in why explaining why I stopped my association with the modern conservative movement years ago.

Most of you remember my old blog, dont'cha? I spent shitloads of time there from 2005-2008 bitching endlessly about the power of the US federal government and the potential abuse thereof.

And you know what I got for my fucking trouble? A endless amount of nonsense about the Unitary Executive Theory and the righteousness of George W. Bush.